Not to be puzzled with abstinence, asexuality is the failure to feel the need to have sex.
Not everyone is chasing after fantastic sex. Some individuals even go so far as to decline to report. Among them are voluntary teetotalists, for individual factors, by option. This holds true with priests. In order not to stop working in their vow of chastity, they develop techniques and a way of living so as not to succumb to temptation, intellectually and almost.
The choice not to do something about it
For others, it is not a choice, but a tendency engraved in the personality. Some men and women have, so to speak, no desire, no desire for sex or masturbation. They are called asexuals: a clear orientation, most often claimed.
” You don’t choose your asexuality, anymore than you pick your homosexuality. There are most likely hormone signals that are working, and maybe there are occasions during embryonic life, or during the first years of life. No one has an answer. In the meantime, to make people accept their distinction in the face of the incomprehension of the best number, asexual people declare themselves as such, organize themselves in associations, militate for their cause “, discusses Dr. Pierre Desvaux, president of the National Union of Physicians. sex therapists.
Asexuality is practically an identity claim, like the LGBT movement, without this presenting a problem for society. “Because asexuality does not trouble, unlike other sexual preferences which challenge”, continues the doctor.
Asexuality is not pathological
” Asexuals state that they are not thinking about sex, that they have no motivation, no interest in it. These individuals therefore do not give up anything, unlike abstainers who deprive themselves of something and who might experience desire. It is not a temporary lack of desire either, it is a long lasting state,” discusses Joëlle Mignot, director of the Sexual Health, Sexology and Human Rights Center at Paris-Diderot University.
“There is absolutely nothing pathological about it,” adds Madeleine Gerardin-Toran, sexologist in the reproductive medicine department at the CHU de Lyon. Asexuality does not figure in any classification of psychiatric health problems. These people merely recognize themselves in a life without sexuality.”
However if it is in no way a disease, it can nevertheless hide a particular disgust for the sexuality or the body of the other. “Some asexuals are completely indifferent, however others have a very unfavourable view of sex, seeing it as a dependency, a vice, a bias in social relations. There are probably very various profiles of people, sub-populations in these groups of asexuals, resulting from options, individual history, specifies suffered, etc. “, approximates the sex therapist.
Lastly, at the physiological level, the overall absence of relationships enhances the nonsexual orientation: the organism understands how to adjust to various scenarios. “Thus, people who take satisfaction, who have orgasms, will wish to repeat the experience, while those who do not know these experiences, or deprive themselves of them, will slowly see their sexual appetite and their desire reduction and extinguish “, discusses Madeleine Gerardin-Toran.
It remains to preserve psychological relationships. Asexuality issues ladies and males, and it is typically difficult for these people, a number of whom wish to reside in a couple, to discover a partner who accepts the lack of sexual relations.
When orgasm is not a source of enjoyment
The simplified view of orgasm-centric sexual complete satisfaction is challenged by the experience of “bad” orgasms.
Orgasm is the topic of a number of misconceptions. First, the one that makes orgasm rhyme with successful intercourse. This view of sexuality, which is very primary amongst guys, disregards the truth that sexual relations can be completely satisfying without it, and even that it is in some cases more enjoyable to let yourself be carried away by pleasant experiences or shared enjoyment. of the moment than to concentrate on this objective.
Then the fact that some males see in it the expression of their capability as fan “to make their partner come.” “Many women who make love with a guy feel under pressure to have an orgasm to protect their partner’s ego”, describe 3 psychologists from the University of Michigan and Queen’s University in Kingston (Canada ), in the September Archives of Sexual Behaviour.
With her coworkers, Miriam Francisco and Sari van Anders, Sara Chadwick has certainly chosen to study “bad” orgasms, that is, those that happen in a negative context. The authors point out those that can happen throughout forced sexual intercourse and advocate it to be talked about in order to avoid spreading out the myth that a lady who enjoys is necessarily consenting. Not to mention the regret that the victims can then feel. But they likewise take a look at bad orgasms, experienced as such, throughout consensual sexual intercourse.
They hired 726 volunteers by means of the Internet, an average of 29 years old, who had actually currently had “bad” orgasms, then evaluated the reactions of 289 participants who had actually detailed their experience. This enabled them to determine two main classifications of bad orgasms
Two types of bad orgasms.
On the one hand, those which occur throughout a consensual report for factors not strictly sexual, whether they are positive (desire for intimacy or to show love for the other, for example) or negative (to avoid to argue about it).
On the other hand, the bad orgasms that occur after the (or there) partner demands it. “Obviously having an orgasm when you’re in a rush can be positive for a great deal of individuals since it relieves that pressure, but it can likewise make the entire experience stressful, aggravating, or otherwise unfavorable, possibly constituting an experience.” bad orgasm, “compose Sara Chadwick and her sis.
In any case, the reactions of both ladies and men confirm that it is simplistic and reductive to consider orgasm as the marker of sexual fulfillment. “Our research study highlights that unfavorable feelings can decrease the quality of an orgasm during consensual intercourse by decreasing or negating the physical and/ or mental pleasure connected with orgasm,” the authors conclude.